Jas and Kev are often mistaken as twins ever since they were very little. Born a year apart and diagnosed at the same time, you would actually think they are twins—girl and boy fraternal twins. They go to the same school, shared one class for a long time, ride together in the same bus, and go to appointments together.
In fact, it would be unusual not seeing them together because everybody, including us, expect them to be. It’s like if Jas is going to this place, Kev must be there too. I bathe them at the same time when they were small and buy them the same set of toys. I can’t think of Jas without Kev and vice versa.
But it’s interesting because although these siblings are always seen inseparable, they actually don’t like each other. At least how I perceive it.
Jas is an introvert and likes to keep to herself and is very quiet while Kev is this sociable, friendly boy, whose contagious giggles and wide smile draw people to him.
They cannot sit next to each other for too long because one kiddo will trigger the other one to engage in disruptive behaviors. They ride the same bus but sits at least a seat apart.
Kev is loud and constantly makes noises that upsets Jas. When he’s happy, he likes to slap his belly and yells happy sounds accompanied by loud giggles. If she’s next to him when this occurs, she’ll reach out and scratch him in an attempt to make him stop. Of course the aggression stops momentarily and while Kev will move away from her, he’ll resume yelling and giggling again. We usually intervene to prevent further escalation of behavior. We redirect my son to a preferred activity so the belly slapping and making loud giggles ceased and both kids are happy.
While Jas gets upset with loud noises, Kev is triggered by hearing someone crying. It doesn’t matter if it’s an actual person in the same room he’s in or in a movie or Youtube video he’s watching. He’ll get upset seeing someone in tears. His sister Jas has crying episodes that just happen out of the blue. Most of the time we don’t even know why. When she cries, Kev gets anxious and will reach out his hand and pinch her to make her stop.
Because both kids set each other off, we tried to keep them away at a safe distance but still in the same room because interestingly enough, if Jas can’t see Kev or vice versa, both will feel anxious and will look for each other. It’s for this reason that when one of them is sick and must stay home, we took the extra time and effort explaining and reminding the other kiddo that they can’t be together at school that day because their sibling is sick.
Both kids have unique personalities and we always encourage them to express it. They got the same diagnosis as severely autistic with significant delays in many areas. Jas and Kev are non-verbal which means they don’t speak with our mouth like we do. They use various forms of communication to express themselves, however, in the form of sign language, Picture Exchange Communication System (PECS), hand leading, gesturing, pointing, bringing preferred items to us, and recently they learn how to use an Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC) device or talking iPad as we call it at home.
Jas has strong preference to predictable routines, objects, and situations while Kev is not too bothered by it. For example during bath time, Kev must bathe first before she does, not the other way around. She must use the toilet prior to getting washed. During bath time, there’s specific steps to follow like exfoliating dead skins first before shampooing hair, etc. She must use a blue towel to dry herself off and must finish her post-bathing skin routine before putting on clothes. Kev is much easier to manage in this area.
When it comes to diet, Kev is a very picky eater while Jas is not. My son has sensory issues and has a hard time trying out new food and textures. His food must be prepared separately and must be fresh, has the right temperature, and prepared according to his tolerance level at all times. For instance, he only eats specific brand and type of rice. It must be cooked so it’s not too hard or mushy. When mixed with meat and vegetables for example, it must be combined in a way that the ratio of rice vs meat or veggies must be just right so it doesn’t overpower his taste buds. He drinks only room temperature water. No milk, soda, or juice drinks either. He likes to shove a lot of food in his mouth so he must be watched or risks choking on his food.
Kev is more easy going while Jas is more reserved and can be very stubborn, too. When I asked my son to do something even if he’s not keen to do it, he will oblige even if his face says otherwise. Meanwhile, my daughter will put up a fight and sometimes resort to aggression or self-injurious behavior if forced to do things she doesn’t want to do.
Both my children are very interesting human beings. I see them as unique but never inferior to other kids their age. They are just different and need extra care and understanding from people. They’re just like us trying to make sense of the world and doing their best to adapt. I am always excited to see them learn new skills and overcome challenges and hopefully become independent adults in the future.